We’re off to a wedding tomorrow!

I adore weddings – everyone is always wonderfully happy and dressed beautifully smart. You can almost feel all the love around you, showering you as you celebrate with music and dancing and plenty of food.

Yet with weddings, I always feel an inner pressure to look mind-bendingly excellent.

I have a theory as to why.

Here we go:

At a certain, heart-wrenchingly poignant moment in the ceremony tomorrow, David (my bearded other half) will suddenly be overcome by the utter romance of the event. Stunned by a new personal revelation, he believes he would like to get married too. And when he turns to look at me, I want him to see a goddess of pure beauty that he absolutely must marry, perhaps even within one year. God forbid should anyone take this miracle of a woman away from him.

That’s my theory.

Don’t stamp on it.

I suppose, yes, there may be a 2.4% chance of David having such a revelation but if he does, I don’t want to be sitting there with stubbly legs and a spot on my chin.

SO, with that in mind, I have quite a few things to do.

The list already feels long.

To do – tonight:

  • Buy new shoes after work as no shoes in wardrobe are suitable (I have decided – despite wearing them to weddings before)
  • Have bath and obliterate all rogue hair
  • Tackle eyebrows
  • Moisturise all skin except for area on back which cannot be reached as I am not flexible
  • Make sure dress is hanging up somewhere and not screwed into a ball at the back of the wardrobe like once before
  • Find cute little clutch bag as it always goes missing at most inopportune moment
  • Get new shoes out of box and hide bag and box in place David will never look
  • Think of convincing lie to tell David if he asks if shoes are new
  • Paint nails colour of “gold digger” to match dress
  • Try not to worry about trashy sounding nail colour
  • Decide you’ll tell everyone nail colour is called “champagne” or something instead
  • Lie very still and watch Doctor Foster while nails dry
  • Go to bed at reasonable hour so face does not look haggard come the morning

To do – in the morning

  • Drag self out of bed
  • Drink coffee
  • Get in shower and do one last rogue hair check
  • Wash and condition hair
  • Dry hair
  • Straighten hair within an inch of its life
  • Bounce hair up so it at least has some life
  • Apply make-up carefully
  • Make sure, and then make sure again, that eyebrows look even
  • Check nails have not chipped
  • Pack small clutch bag and then empty it to check you have everything. Re-pack
  • Force David out of bed 10 mins before you have to leave
  • Sit on edge of sofa tutting while he gets ready
  • Leave house

And I’m sure there’s something I’ve missed still.

Comparatively, David’s list seems annoyingly short:

David – tonight

  • Find suit
  • Put on innocent face and ask Meg if she will iron shirt
  • Trim beard
  • Hunt for matching socks

David – in the AM

  • Down hot coffee
  • Shower
  • Put on clothes
  • Lose tie even though Meg found tie last night and it somehow has gone missing again

Unfair, right?

I have many things to do.

See you tomorrow! (I’ll make sure to post a pic)