Anyone who has played the Sims will know how absolutely addictive it is. As a teenager, whenever I sat down, switched on the home PC, and loaded up, the day would be over. Hours would fly by like minutes. People would speak to me and I would not hear. Earth-shattering events would happen at my feet and I would not be torn from the screen.

Thankfully, today, I have a terrible laptop with no CD drive which stops me from buying the Sims at age 25.

But now I have it on my phone.

Some bastard, with no consideration for my career potential or social life, has turned the Sims into a handy app.

And now I have a minor obsession.

For those unfamiliar with the Sims, it’s a game where you can create a whole miniature world. You design a little person, build them a house, paint the walls, buy them a sofa, get them a job, find them a partner, have kids, adopt a dog, etc… Years of endless fun.

The phone version is sort of the same, except it gives you various challenges as you play and it runs in real-time (no fast-forwarding allowed). So if you want to put your Sim in a “deep sleep” for seven hours, then that’s as long as it will take, so you better go off and do something for seven hours. Cooking a burger takes four minutes, and growing a baby takes 24 hours (a little less realistic).

I put my Sims to bed when I go to bed, and wake them up for work (they’re both firefighters at the moment) when I go to work. I’m like their mum.

Perhaps a bit creepy…

It’s been three days since I downloaded the game and my characters (called Megan and David naturally) have already moved in together, got married, and their first child is on the way.

Real life David was a bit alarmed when I mentioned this.

But hey, at least I’m playing nicely. When we had the computer version of the game as kids a certain brother of mine, who will remain nameless, used to trap his Sims in a swimming pool by taking away the ladder. I’ve heard a few people used to do this as children (what psychopaths).

So, if you fancy completely wasting your weekend, download the Sims. I recommend it!

😬