Ever since I was 18 I’ve always wanted to “lose a few pounds”.

Despite this, I don’t actually ever remember sticking to a healthy plan of good diet and lots of exercise…

Normally I’d do something ridiculous like chew gum and drink black coffee all day, or only eat vegetables and baked potatoes for three days in a row. Or eat absolutely nothing from the moment I woke up, and then stuff my face with spaghetti carbonara in the evening.

After a few weeks of this nonsense, I’d go back to normal of course – sandwiches and pizza and cake.

Until next time. There’d always be a next time. Next time I got on the scales, or caught myself in a shop window, or tried on a pair of jeans in H&M only to find I can barely squeeze one thigh in.

Then the madness would start all over again.

This past year though I’ve felt fairly comfortable with the way I look (no crazy diets thankfully). And I’m desperately hoping that doesn’t go away.

But sometimes, those past hang-ups come back and grab me…

I put a t-shirt on earlier, which showed my arms. I’m not a fan of my arms.

“Hmm” I thought.

I looked in the mirror, put my hands on my hips, then behind my back. Which position made my arms look the most svelte? I decided on behind my back. Which is the now position I will religiously adopt every time I wear this t-shirt.

It’s crazy – the way we judge and critique ourselves. I wish I could just be content with what I have. But then, maybe if I did eat better and train my arms so they looked “svelte” I’d probably find something else I didn’t like. Perhaps I’d decide my nose is a funny shape.

And you can’t lose weight from a nose.

All in all, I’m going to keep trying to just be content with what I have.

Can you tell I’m very sleepy? This is quite a disjointed post – I’m very sorry about that. I went straight from work to dance practice and now I’ve finally arrived home. I have a deep dish pepperoni pizza in the oven and my bed is calling me.

I did worry about my arms today. But that worry has now drifted off (and what a worry to have! Such first world problems).

That worry has gone, and my thoughts have now been consumed by pizza, the steps I learnt in my lesson, and what sitcom I’m going to watch before bed.

Goodnight all 😴